"Help! My Child Won’t Go to School": Exploring the Reasons Behind School Refusal

By Wilfredo Rivera, Psy.D.

At this time of year, it is not unusual for parents to seek help as their child is stubbornly refusing to attend school and imploring to be allowed to skip. Even when parents try their hardest to talk to, beg, persuade, or even threaten their child with serious consequences regarding not attending school, they often find themselves in a downward spiral feeling lost and hopeless.

Typically, parents’ initial action is seeking assistance from their child’s school. With the best of intentions, teachers and school officials recommend various alternatives, such as permitting the child to take school materials home for review or allowing them to leave school whenever they begin to feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, this well-intentioned effort to assist ultimately serves to strengthen the issue. In the end, we find a situation where a troubled child and frustrated parents are seeking a solution to help the child return to school, allowing the parents to get back to their regular responsibilities and commitments.

The issue of students refusing to go to school has been around since the inception of educational institutions. While parents and family members often quickly attribute various reasons for their child’s reluctance to attend classes, they typically express frustration by labeling their child as lazy or manipulative. The fact is that children have a variety of reasons for refusing to go to school.

In many cases, children may refuse to attend school to either avoid negative experiences associated with school or pursue positive experiences by not going. The avoidance reasons include trying to escape feelings of anxiety, depression, or fear, which could stem from academic pressures, social difficulties with peers, or a general dislike of the school environment. Some children may also specifically try to avoid aversive social or evaluative situations, such as giving presentations, participating in class discussions, or facing the judgment of teachers and classmates.

However, some children may engage in school-refusal behaviors to pursue positive experiences outside of school. This could involve attention-seeking behaviors, where the child uses their absence from school to gain care, sympathy, or other forms of positive reinforcement from parents or caregivers. Alternatively, the child may be motivated by the prospect of engaging in preferred activities, accessing technology, or avoiding unpleasant tasks at home.

School refusal behavior, whatever the underlying cause, can lead to significant negative effects on a child’s academic, social, and emotional growth if it is not addressed. Studies have indicated a link between school refusal and adverse consequences, such as poor academic performance, elevated dropout rates, a greater demand for mental health services, and challenges with self-sufficiency and behavioral issues.

Research also indicates that early school absenteeism is linked to higher dropout rates, which can result in a lack of access to school-based health programs, financial difficulties, and challenges in adulthood, including issues related to relationships, social interactions, and mental health. Students who refuse to attend school appear to have a heightened risk of developing issues related to substance abuse, with research indicating connections between school absenteeism, refusal to attend classes, and the misuse of alcohol and marijuana.

The existing literature suggests that school refusal is a multifaceted problem that significantly affects children’s academic performance, social interactions, and mental well-being. Grasping the different factors contributing to school refusal is essential for creating effective strategies to assist these children.

Given the significant challenges and potential long-term consequences associated with school refusal, it is essential for parents to consult with qualified professionals with extensive experience and expertise in this complex issue. These specialized professionals can provide invaluable guidance and support to help families navigate the often convoluted and emotionally charged process of getting a child who is reluctant or refusing to attend school back on track.