Tonight, the tradition continues.
 No, not midnight’s official calendar transition from summer to fall.

Rather, it’s the second-season premiere of Fox’s hit musical-comedy Glee – which continues prime-time TV’s long-standing custom of having a key character’s obsessive-compulsive disorder played for laughs.

Just like Seinfeld’s Jerry Seinfeld, Frasier’s Niles Crane and Monk’s Detective Adrian Monk before her, Glee’s high school guidance counselor Emma Pillsbury takes issues of hygiene and cleanliness to absurd extremes.

As all avid “Gleeks” know, Emma has been bedeviled by mysophobia (fear of germs and dirt) since childhood, when her brother pushed her into a runoff lagoon at a dairy farm.

Emma’s OCD informs much of her character’s comedic behavior (repeatedly washing her food while eating) and history (she’s a 30-something virgin). Indeed, at times, her persnicketiness virtually paralyzes her.

For viewers, she’s either a source of hilarity or – as my colleague, Leslie Gray Streeter, writes – enmity. Unless, of course, you can relate to her hang-ups. Then Emma’s condition might hit a little too close to home. OCD: When do quirks become concerns?

“We all have our obsessive and compulsive tendencies,” says Dr. Jason Spielman, a psychologist with the NeuroBehavioral Institute in Weston, Florida (www.nbiweston.com) and a specialist in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorders. “It’s really just a matter of severity.”

In other words, are you in control of your fixations and behaviors – or are they in control of you?

“When repetitive thoughts and behaviors take up so much of your time and mental energy that they affect your personal and/or professional life, that’s when you have a problem,” Dr. Spielman explains.

So for those of us (like myself) who are regimented about things such as keeping in a specific order, and facing the same direction, the cash in our wallets and clothes in our closets: Our behavior is neat-freakish – but not problematic.

Conversely, the person compelled to wash his hands 40 times an hour, or recheck, repeatedly, that he locked his front door – even though he just did it – knows he’s behaving irrationally. Yet he can’t control himself.

Seeking treatment

If you suspect you have OCD and want treatment for it, Dr. Spielman recommends that you be sure that your mental- health professional specializes in OCD treatment, “because so few of us do.”

In fact, the scarcity of obsessive-compulsive-disorder specialists is why Dr. Spielman also leads an OCD Adult support-group at West Boca Medical Center (21644 State Road 7, Boca Raton) at 7:30 p.m. on the first Thursday of every month. In addition, he recommends logging on to the International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation’s website at www.ocfoundation.org to find specialists in your area who are trained in the uniform treatment protocols.

These methods include a technique called “exposure and ritual prevention”, which forces the patient to experience the anxiety associated with not partaking in the compulsive behavior.

Another protocol is cognitive behavioral therapy, in which the patient learns, through a systematic, goal-oriented approach, to alter or eliminate undesirable behavior.

In severe cases of OCD, says Spielman, prescriptions for selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor medications, such as Prozac or Luvox, might be warranted.

“There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to treating OCD,” notes Dr. Spielman. “The mental and behavioral manifestations of this disorder are as unique as a fingerprint.”

No matter where on the obsessive-compulsive spectrum you fall, try to keep some sense of perspective.

My sister, who’s a therapist, once lightheartedly described the difference between a person with OCD and one with merely an obsessive personality (like myself) with this generalization: “People with OCD usually want to be rid of it. People with obsessive personalities usually want the rest of the world to be more like them.”

Have a question/comment for Steve? E-mail him at boomerhealth@pbpost.com or write to: Boomer Health, The Palm Beach Post, 2751 S. Dixie Highway, West Palm Beach, FL 33405.

EMMA PILLSBURY:
A CUTE KIND OF NUTTY?

Glee’s fictional McKinley High guidance counselor (played by Jayma Mays) has a fear of germs (mysophobia) and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

She cleans every grape individually before eating it and spends an hour cleaning a pencil sharpener.

According to ‘Crazy & Sweet,’ her fan page: ‘Her interests include hand-washing, rug-fringe-straightening and local news. She is a charter member of the Western Ohio Disinfectant Society.’

Her neat retro wardrobe – which has a vast online fan base – reflects her love of order.

The actress told InStyle.com: ‘I like to call Emma’s wardrobe quirky-chic! While her outfits are always very put-together, they are still fun and flirty with bows and flowers and the colors of sorbet.’ The character wears tone-on-tone pencil skirts, blouses and vintage-inspired sweaters, all topped off with bold jewelry.

By: Steve Dorfman and Jason Spielman, Psy.D.

Published in The Palm Beach Post (September 22, 2010)

These uncertain economic times are giving a lot of parents the chance to re-examine their priorities as well as their budgets. When revising family budgets, many parents may wonder whether to classify the newest XBOX 360 purchase for their child as either a necessity or a luxury. This question may be quite challenging for many parents to answer. Here are some questions that parents might want to consider before making another purchase for their child.

Do you feel like your child’s happiness is entirely your responsibility and solely depends upon how much you buy them? If your child is unhappy, do you blame yourself and see buying them something new as the solution? Will you go to any lengths to buy a desired item for your child even if deep down you know you’re only providing a temporary “fix?” Do you ever compensate for your own current or past unhappiness by buying excessively for your child? Is it frustrating when your children are not made deliriously happy by all the bounty they have received? Lastly, have you made a habit of spending more than you can afford or that makes sense on your child’s material wants?

If any of these questions resonate with you, be rest assured, you are not alone. Perhaps never before have parents been so concerned with the ups and downs of their children’s levels of happiness, so often associated happiness with material possessions, and so disappointed that their largess has not resulted in happy children. Here’s a news flash – it’s not necessarily beneficial or realistic for children to be happy all the time. This doesn’t mean that you should go out of your way to make your children miserable. It’s just that it is important to recognize that not only is it normal to experience unhappiness, it is also adaptive.

As long as it is not chronic, and it does not reach the level of clinical depression, unhappiness can help children to learn about consequences for their negative actions. Unhappiness also gives children practice in coping with the reality of not getting what they want all the time. After all, children raised on a diet of instant, unearned happiness are likely in for a rude awakening when they start facing “the real world” of college and work as well as the cyclical ups and downs of economic conditions, not to mention serious relationships. Unhappiness can also provide motivation to make changes for the better – with increased happiness as a natural reward. Alright, maybe you should go out of your way to make your child unhappy once in a while.

Researchers have taught us a lot about what aspects of children’s happiness may be beyond parental control. For example, it appears that each child is born with their own potential for experiencing happiness just like they’re born with potential for other attributes such as height or intelligence. In other words, children’s potential for happiness is at least partially hard-wired into them by genetics and biology. This is particularly true when there is a family history of pessimistic individuals or those with clinical depression. At any given time, other factors like luck and economic conditions also play a role. So, think twice before totally holding yourself completely responsible for the happiness of any child.

There is also cross-cultural evidence regarding the relationship between the accumulation of tangible possessions and happiness. For example, the people of Rio De Janiero, Brazil, many of them living in poverty, generally indicate experiencing higher levels of happiness on average than most other groups. This is just one of many possible demonstrations that the association between material possessions and happiness many parents might expect may not be, in reality, all that strong. Another example is provided by the Amish who reject a life spent in pursuit of modern conveniences, let alone material gain, and instead focus on fellowship as well as spiritual well being. This should bring at least some comfort to parents who worry that their children are doomed to a future of misery if they do not pursue some high paying career or marry someone who isn’t wealthy. Anyway, think about it, have material possessions been the true source of lasting happiness in your own life? If your answer is, “Yes,” take an honest look at yourself. It would not be surprising to find that material possessions are all you have.

Fortunately, there remain many steps that parents can take to try and cultivate happiness in their children in ways other than buying and short of moving the family to Rio or becoming Amish. Parents can start with the idea that happiness is neither a commodity nor an entitlement. In other words, happiness cannot be bought, sold, or traded like soybean futures. Keep this in mind before trying to make your child happy by buying them the latest game or piece of clothing that they are obsessed with. Especially when they tell you (for the umpteenth time), “It’s all I’ll ever want.” It also may be helpful to think of happiness as a process rather than as an outcome that can be bought. Genuine happiness, in fact, is not something you can obtain directly at all. Rather, it is something that is ineffable and emerges indirectly from a consistent, positive lifestyle made up of meaningful healthy relationships and service to others.

Another confusing issue is what may be termed “little h” happiness versus “Big H” happiness. An example of the “little h” variety might be the fleeting smile on a child’s face when they get another in the long line of expensive purchases. In contrast, “Big H’ happiness for a child might come when they persevered through a difficult course at school or have made a best friend. Teaching children the difference between these two types of happiness and helping them pursue the “Big H” is one of the greatest possible parental accomplishments.

As much as they wish, parents cannot really bestow happiness on their children. However, what they can do is teach life skills that will increase the likelihood of happiness and practice these skills themselves as positive role models. Some happiness creating life skills to teach your children include:
the ability to cope with frustration and boredom
the ability to remain resilient and persevere in the face of difficult challenges the ability to understand and effectively relate to others as well as to oneself the ability to actively modify negative self-talk.

In addition, having a positive, authoritative parenting style that emphasizes optimism, clear communication, rational problem solving, proper boundaries, and appropriate positive and negative consequences for behavior is also essential in creating the foundation upon which future happiness may be built. Remaining calm and resisting children’s immediate material demands (and tantrums and guilt trips when their demands aren’t met) in favor of long-term goals isn’t easy, but will be well worth it in the end.

Sure, we want more than just about anything else for our children to be happy. But here’s a final thought: in the long run, children themselves are individuals who, particularly as they get older, have to learn to take responsibility for their own happiness. As parents, you can certainly help get your children on a path toward happiness, but it is ultimately they who have to learn to travel this path wisely. Maybe the next time your child complains about being unhappy, instead of buying them something, you can try responding, “So what are YOU going to do about it?”

By Jonathan H. Hoffman, Ph.D., ABPP

Have you heard about what they are calling life-style gambling? It’s the hottest thing since Texas Hold’em.

The basic idea is to place customized bets on real events from your life or someone else’s. It’s all made possible by the Internet, with its massive number-crunching ability to calculate odds on almost anything instantaneously. The new law allowing private gaming companies to monitor the minutia of our private lives makes it perfectly legal.

So not it’s no problem to lay down a bet, for instance, on how may sick days your co-worker will take in the next six months. Maybe you’re a little short on a down payment for a new Lexus? Take a chance on the under-over bet for frugal Aunt Charlotte leaving a 15 percent tip at her next book club luncheon. Let the good times roll!

My favorite, however is betting on the holidays. There are just so many opportunities for us sporting folk. One of my favorites is office party poker, where you play hands of worker cliques to see which group sucks up to the boss the most times during the event.

Here’s what today’s line is for this holiday season’s big dinner party at my friend Joey G.’s home on Dec. 20 in Ft. Lauderdale.

• His children not complaining about the food: 2-1
• All the guests arriving on time: 5-1
• His wife only changing her outfit once: 3-2
• The good tablecloth remaining stain-free: 10-1
• All the guests appreciating their host and hostess: 3-1
• Everyone being in the holiday spirit: 15-1

One of my relatives from New York is planning a high-end cruise as a surprise for her spouse for the last 10 days of the year. Here are the couple’s odds for the event, courtesy of SilverLiningGaming.com:

• Plane arriving in plenty of time to get to Port Everglades: 3-1
• Sitting at the table on the ship with a couple they like: 6-1
• Not having a food-poisoning scare on the ship: 2-1
• Getting along with their spouse for the entire trip: 4-1
• Making an expensive purchase they still like when they get home: 12-1

I think I can win by betting on the holidays because so many people continue to hold on to the faulty belief that “the holidays are going to be the best ever!” This affects the odds in my favor tremendously. Unfortunately, it also is the reason why so many people get the “holiday blues.” They imagine wonderful parties full of cheer, joy and meaningful relationships.

Instead, they got constant stress, endless lines at the mall and post-holiday letdown. Sometimes, as a psychologist, I feel bad about profiting from people’s lack of perspective, but, hey, in the next year or so, some of them will make a killing by buying distressed properties from South Floridians were over –exuberant about real estate, right?

All that said: Peace on Earth and goodwill too But I wouldn’t bet on it.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., APBB

Let’s start with the word itself – expect. To expect connotes a sense of certainty about what will occur in the future. From the price of stocks and homes to the occurrence of hurricanes, from repairmen showing up on time to our children cleaning up their rooms when we ask them – is there anything about which we can really be certain?

If you expect too much of yourself or other people, you can also expect to feel bad. Those who expect too much of themselves often wind up being the kind of people who beat themselves up with self-criticism whenever they experience a setback. If you expect too much of other people, you will likely find yourself feeling angry or let down more often than not. You may also find that others do not want to be around you and your demandingness. Maybe this is why they say it’s lonely at the top.

Also, don’t expect to enjoy an expensive meal or hotel room or any luxury item if you expect perfection just because you’re paying for it. Think about this before you send a dinner back to the kitchen over a minor issue and wind up ruining your evening by sitting there fuming while watching your companies enjoy their meals.

You may ask, “Can’t one at least have expectations of their spouses or lovers?” Actually, this is problem too. There are some many divorces, unhappy marriages and difficulties in relationships that are rooted in unrealistic expectations and lack of acceptance for each other’s inevitable flaws and mistakes. In fact, may therapists now believe that an essential skill in a happy relationship is lowering expectations and explaining away most of the minor undesirable qualities and behaviors of one’s mates.

Too-high expectations can also negatively affect performance in general. As a case in point, for baseball players, focusing on keeping their eye on the ball, or avoiding swinging at a bad pitch are helpful behaviors. However, expecting to get a hit in a sport where making outs far more often than getting hits is the norm can result in body tension. This actually interferes with performance and an increased likelihood of kicking the water cooler or throwing a bat out of frustration.

For all of us, unrealistic expectations actually reduce our attention to the task at hand, create unnecessary bodily and mental stress, increase sensitivity to minor issues and makes us less-effective problem solvers.

If you are suffering for making other suffer from “great expectations,” here are some suggestions:

• Try substituting the word “hope” for “expect.” The word “hope” creates helpful optimism with a realistic appreciation for the lack of certainty about the vast majority of things in our lives.
• Keep bearing in mind that unrealistic expectations will probably interfere with your own performance and the performance of those around you. This is the reason that one of my favorite quotes is from the work of Dr. Abraham Low: “Lower your expectations and your performance will rise.”
• Try to reduce expectations in your everyday life. You can be just as assertive about your desires with lower expectations as you can be with higher ones. I predict that if you do this, you will see yourself becoming more cheerful, relaxed and appreciative of all the good things around you, and that’s a luxury you can truly enjoy.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., ABPP

I wonder if Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ famous stages regarding the process of how people adjust to the prospect of dying are applicable to those in mid-life crises what movies might help them cope more effectively.

Denial

This is the time for self-delusional rationalizations such as “I’m getting better” and “50 is the new 30.” It’s also the time when one is most likely to try masking middle age with inappropriately youthful attire and hairstyles, as well as surgical interventions that are almost guaranteed to evoke whispered comments like “Who does she think she’s fooling?” My recommended movie for those needing to move on from this stage is “Sunset Boulevard.”

Anger

This is when coping poorly with getting older has some folks looking for someone or something to blame for their lives not exactly working out according to plan. Most of the time, it’s the spouse or the job that evokes ire for “making me old before my time” or “ruining my life.” It’s during this period that the “nuclear option” is at it’s highest risk for being selected or, in other words, blowing up one’s life. A great cathartic movie for those experiencing this stage is “Falling Down.”

Bargaining

“If only I could be young again, I would do it all differently” is the kind of do-over wishful thinking that typifies this stage. Movie that have a middle-aged character who magically gets to relieve their youth like “Peggy Sue Got Married,” might be especially appealing during this stage. After a screening of this flick, you may be more able to accept that you really can’t go back.

Depression

During this part of mid-life crises, sufferers are likely to be sighing a lot of forlornly reminiscing about their lost youth. Sulking in the bedroom and staring blankly up at the ceiling is common during this stage. Sometimes, these individuals take out their mid-life crises on themselves by their letting their grooming; excise and eating habits go completely down the drain. Perhaps, a showing of “Singin’ in the Rain” could help raise their spirits.

Acceptance

This is the chance to start growing old gracefully, accept the inevitable march of time and develop a new, more mature perspective on life. Of course, in South Florida, this is about as likely as snow on South Beach in July. But for those in the mood to watch one middle-aged gent work through his mid-life crisis and make a noble, accepting choice despite bitterly conflicted feelings, it might be worthwhile to give “Casablanca” a look.

If you want to avoid getting stuck in any of the stages prior to acceptance, consider the following suggestions:

• Try to maintain your focus on the positive aspects of aging, such as growing in experience and wisdom.
• Don’t buy into the notion that happiness is only for the young. Actually, it’s possible to be about equally happy at all ages.
• Separate your self-esteem from aspects of life that are ultimately beyond your control, like the aging process.
• Stay open-minded and take the time to acquire new skills. That’s probably what will truly keep you youthful.

I’m one of the lucky ones who have been spared the dreaded mid-life crises. Perhaps many years of training in the field of psychology have helped. Anyway, that’s what the guy who’s going to be doing my hair transplants thinks. He told me I can pick a movie to watch during the procedures to ease the pain. Any suggestions?

By Jonathan Hoffman Ph.D., ABPP

For instance, an usually neat or rigid person may be called “OCD” (obsessive- compulsive disorder) or a very moody individual “bipolar.” Lately, “personality disorder (PD)” has become a popular label to bandy about, as in: “Did you see how Josephine was acting at work on Friday? She has such a personality disorder.” People even know some of the various kinds of PDs. So, if Josephine was really being annoying, she might be called a “borderline.”

But when terms move from medical textbooks to the popular lexicon, it’s easy to lose sight of what they really mean. While cynics might observe that South Florida is an easy place for those with strange or bothersome personalities to hide in plain sight, actual PD’s cause enormous suffering to those afflicted and their families. Their cause is not well understood, although there seem to be factors that increase vulnerability – such as certain genetic markers and a history of trauma. PDs are fairly common; the major psychiatric manual lists 10 varieties of them. These conditions have been subcategorized into three clusters: Cluster A persons (paranoid, schizoid and schizotypal PDs) present as extremely eccentric and peculiar. The Bs (antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic) are looked as unstable, overreactive, and dramatic, while the Cs (avoidant, dependent, and obsessive compulsive) are those who appear overly nervous and afraid. If you’re noticing these clusters bear an unfortunate resemblance to “weirdo,” “sicko,” and “baby,” then you have caught onto the fact that these disorders often begin in adolescence and are characterized by both enduring over time and representing significant discrepancies from social norms.

Even though youngsters may appear as if they have a PD, in may cases, this will turn out to be either a transitory reaction to a difficult situation or a phase they eventually grow out of. Those with true PDs – not just difficult or unusual personality traits – are often quite impaired or in psychological turmoil – or both. These people come nowhere close to their potential in work or relationships.

Having a PD has nothing to do with one’s intelligence, but having one can make individuals feel isolated, hypersensitive, untrusting, negative about themselves and not certain about who they are or the purpose of their life. Those having borderline personality disorder, in particular, suffer from an unstable sense of identity and often lead chaotic, self-destructive lives. Of special not is borderline’s tendency to first idealize others and then, abruptly, start loathing them. For an extreme but illuminating case, think about Glenn Close’s character in the movie “ Fatal Attraction” – first putting the Michael Douglas character she had a brief affair with on a pedestal, then later trying to kill him.

Having a PD connotes being inflexible and resistant to change and constructive criticism- even in the face of mounting problems and lack of success. People with these conditions often have great trouble taking responsibility for their own feelings, behaviors and life outcomes. They can even lash out at those who are genuinely trying to help, including loved ones and mental health professionals. Therefore, they are frequently unwilling to accept assistance or find excuses to drop out of treatment before it has a chance to work. Sadly, in the most severe cases, the resources, patience and skills of helpers are prone to being worn out. People with PDs are at high risk for self-injury and suicidality, and often find themselves in a revolving door of incomplete or failed treatments, including psychiatric hospitalizations.

But now, there is a renewed hope for the understanding and treatment of PDs. There is psychological treatment for borderline personality disorder called dialectic behavior therapy (DBT) that combines cognitive-behavioral therapy with age-old Eastern techniques for achieving inner harmony, such as the practice of mindfulness and meditation. Advances in psychiatric medications, especially when combined with longer-term psychotherapy and social support, have also provided relief and improved quality of life for may with PDs.

The biggest challenge may be finding more effective ways of motivating those with PDs to have the trust to enter and stick to the treatments and relationships and professionals that will give them the best chance to improve their lives.

In the interim, please consider helping those with the affliction and their families by not buying into the PD or borderline punch lines, insults and gossip. Only annoying people do that.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D. ABPP

This era can be summarized in a few of its catchphrases: “children should be seen and not heard” and “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Children tended to obey parents, but frequently grew up with poor self-images. Let’s call this era Childhood, Version 1.0.

Childhood Version 2.0 developed fairly recently. The remedy for low self-esteem was to eschew consequences and pump up fragile egos by feeding children a steady diet of so called “positive affirmations” such as “I am perfect and there will never be another like me.” However, since praise was not connected with actual achievement, children tended to have an unwarranted and inflated sense of their own abilities. There was no such thing as a stupid question and children were thought to grow best when given a great deal of space: Families became child-centered, with the frequent outcome that children were heard a lot, virtually never experienced the rod and, ironically tended to become spoiled and self-centered.

My work as a psychologist has me thinking that many children and families have entered the portal of Childhood Version 2.1. In this evolution, child-centered families have become child-ruled ones. The word “no” appears to be thought of by many children as abusive and others have become allergic to it. Nonstop happiness and entertainment have become rights instead of privileges, and woe unto the parents that violate them by, for instance, asking their child to turn off the Game Boy and do homework.

Now, many parents are living in tear of their youngsters’ next outburst. They walk on eggshells because their children are so reactive and hypersensitive to perceived criticisms, changes in plans and other formerly normal aspects of daily living. It seems that, despite unprecedented material advantages and attention, more children than ever liberally sprinkle comments to their parents with “I hate you” and curse words. Many children may actually believe they are indeed, perfect and it is the parents who need education, guidance and rules. “Honor thy father and mother” has morphed to “honor thy child.”

Since no question is stupid, children feel entitled to ask parents the same question over and over until they get their way. Their new Golden Rule might well be. “Do unto me as I would have you do unto me.”

But children are not solely responsible for the troublesome state of affairs in may homes. Some parents are relieved to leave the parenting to schools and places of worship due to their own insecurities or busy lives. Others appear to be overcompensating for a sense of being deprived in their own childhoods or some might be overwhelmed by the demands of single-parenthood.

Yet, many have effective parenting styles that cultivate less self-centered children, despite cultural pressures and their children’s demands.

Here are few suggestions:

• “No” means “no” instead of “ try harder to get what you want “Parents must be consistent in reasonable discipline and consequences
• Material rewards should be used sparingly.  Their overuse tends to create bottomless pits of greed and the need to use ever- dash increasing amounts – just like a drug. Instead, raise children to perceive social praise and self-praise as the best rewards.
• Model being non-self-centered in your own behavior and expressions. We all know children are more likely what they observe, rather than what they are told to do.
• Generously praise behaviors that demonstrate virtues, such as patience, sharing, kindness to others, empathy and calmness – even when feeling frustrated. Don’t worry: Your children can still be achieving and highly competitive and have these positive traits.
• Don’t feel guilty if your children say other children have more toys, games etc., than they do.  Be confident that, in the long run, the values you are giving them will be worth much more.
• Give your children the opportunity to provide personal help to others in need.

The future evolution of parenting remains uncharted. Will there be more parents who are able to assert their authority and responsibilities in positive and growth-enhancing ways? Or, will we see Childhood, Version 3.0 – a world where parents, like doctors, are demoted to the lesser status of providers? Just try getting your child to do homework then.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D.

• A 62-year-old male, clutching his chest from acute heartburn, shows up at a Boca Raton ER. He complains loudly to the intake nurse about his salad not having enough onions when he dined at a local restaurant. He states bitterly: “My entire meal was ruined.”
• An 18 year old female presents in academic crisis over getting a “B” on her English paper at a university when she though she deserved an “A.” She was particularly distraught because not even a call from her mother to her professor helped.
• A 32-year-old homemaker who has lost her status is airlifted from the mall in severe sticker shock. She tells the paramedics that her husband does make as much as her friends’ spouses do. Consequently, she is stuck with a no-name handbag.
• After putting his house on the market 20 days ago and still not receiving and offers at his asking price, a 52 year-old male indicates severe suffering from symptoms of a buyers market. Reminding him that he has doubled what he originally paid in 10 years ago, even if he lowers his price, fails to give relief. He is immediately put in isolation, as this condition is now known to be extremely contagious.
• A 40 year-old divorcee goes out with a man she met online. The gentleman excuses himself after 30 minutes alleging he “forgot something important.” She shows up at the ER bewildered, saying that her ego has been in a bad crash. She may never be able to enter a chat room again without assistance.

A.T.W. Simeons, in his aptly titled Man’s Presumption Brain, theorized       about why people seem to react to symbolic or relatively small problems as if they were life-threatening events.

His idea was that, while social and technological changes, have occurred very rapidly from caveman times, the evolution of our brains has not kept up. Thus, we may remain physiologically primed to respond to threats as if we were still in Ice Age days of scarcity and constant danger. So, unless we make a conscious effort to recalibrate our sensitivities to match 21^st-century life in South Florida, many of us will be prone to overreactions-even extreme ones.

A case in point is road rage. Someone cuts another person off and the aggrieved party responds like they have been attacked for real. As we all know, people have been killed over minor accidents on out highways. Another example that comes to mind is the extreme reactions some people have to minor rudeness or insults. In fact, there is a whole subculture of those for whom a “diss” (short for disrespect) is worth a fight. They pride themselves on being “hard” and “not taking any sh*t.” Could it be that, in their own 180-degree misguided way, they are matching their mental state to physiological arousals about which they lack insight.

Maybe we are all dressed up physically for the Ice Age when we really are living in a time of global warming, so to speak. We are prone to feel traumatized by blows to our self-esteem and have metaphorical chips on our shoulders that seem to us like actual bone damage. In our land of plenty, we might look at others who have even more and suffer consumer envy – as if we needed what other cave dwellers have to survive a harsh Ice Age winter, And we defend our self-esteems as if they are subject to literal slings and arrows – not symbolic ones. In short, we might react similarly whether it is arm or our comments that are abruptly cut off. If you think this is hyperbole, just observe how angry some people get if you interrupt what they are saying.

The next time you think you have an emergency, think again. You might only be suffering from a minor case of aggravation. Take two deep breaths and call me in the morning.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., ABPP

• Volunteer beyond the call of duty, making even normal hard workers look like slackers
• Sacrifice their personal lives “for the sake of the company” and create drama to make sure everyone knows it
• Attempt to make others feel sorry for them with their “poor me,” put upon and self righteous attitudes
• Are poor team players who create resentments among co-workers

 According to my colleague, workplace expert and psychologist, Joseph Gisondo, Ph.D., there are a number of reasons why some workers are martyrs. One factor is low self-esteem. Some people feel so undeserving that they accept virtually any job conditions or tasks, no matter how unreasonable they are or how much work interferes with their personal lives.

Another explanation involves martrys’ exaggerated sense of duty and morality. These people have an underlying agenda to prove their worth through excessive self-sacrifice, similar to the martyrs of old who masochistically flayed their own skin to demonstrate their godliness. Additionally, workers may behave like martyrs out of fear and anxiety. Perhaps, given our current era of layoffs and economic uncertainty, the only way that some people feel secure in their jobs is to martyr themselves.

Whatever the cause, workplace martyrs can be expected to do more harm than good. A worker who has no boundaries makes life harder for those who do. Bosses may point to the martyr as an example, which can be both demoralizing and demeaning to psychologically healthier employees. Bosses who lack insight into workplace dynamics and expect everyone to act like martyrs may wind up discouraging or losing talented and well qualified employees who actually have a life, not to mention a positive sense of self-worth.

In short, bosses often learn the hard way with these employees that more is not necessarily better. This is because martyrs may not really be doing good work, despite the long hours they put in. Anxiety, low self-esteem and hyper-morality are not usually the harbingers of creative thought and effective performance in the long run.

Here are some suggestions about how to cope with a workplace martyr if you are a co-worker:

• Don’t even try to compete with them. You can’t win. In this game of “How low can you go?” the true martyr simply has too many advantages.
• Avoid giving them a piece of mind. Telling martyrs how they are undermining their fellow employees will only provoke them to behave even more martyrs (and probably make a complaint about you to the boss, as well).
• Resist the urge to help them. You can’t. Their behavior is the product of long-standing problems and illogic that will prevail over your good intentions and compassion.

Finally, these are some strategies for bosses who have martyrs or potential martyrs on their staff:

• Maintain leadership by selecting candidates for extra or otherwise undesirable assignments on some kind of fair rotation basis rather that seeking out volunteers.
• Avoid giving the martyr attention. In fact, think about conspicuously praising workers who lead healthy lives and have fun outside of work.
• When it’s time for performance reviews, consider actually downgrading the person for martyrship behaviors, rather than rewarding them.
• Look at your staff.  See if there is a martyr among them. Act proactively to address this problem before it negatively affects your workplace environment.

Remember, whatever you do, don’t hold up a martyr as a role model for your other employees. It’s more likely they are the least deserving of the title.

By: Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D. ABPP

Obsessions, compulsions, doubting, perfectionism, and other challenging features of OCD can drastically affect the process of eating. For example, there may be fears involving magically being harmed or harming another person if a certain food is selected or not eaten in a specified manner.  Some typical OCD ways to neutralize discomfort are having to chew food according to a special number, having rituals about picking up and putting down utensils and drinking glasses, washing hands or foods excessively, and only being able to eat according to designated times or places.

Sometimes OCD co-occurs with an eating disorder- or triggers one- like anorexia nervosa or bulimia.  (Eating disorders are not just a problem among females; although they are far more prevalent in girls and women, there seems to be an increasing percentage of males with these conditions).  In such cases, the affected individual might obsess that they could gain weight by just being near fattening food or watching an overweight person have a meal.  They might have to constantly check the size of their wrist or another body part, endlessly seeking out reassurance that they have not grown bigger.  Compulsive exercising or purging is often present. In the most dangerous cases, eating can become so anxiety-provoking that it becomes an activity to be restricted as much as possible. Young athletes competing in sports in which achieving perfection and maintaining a lowered weight is magnified may be at higher risk for having obsessions and compulsions affecting their eating habits (e.g. gymnastics).

There are also a number of patterns of disordered eating- also known as dysorexias- that have commonalities with OCD.  These include extreme selectivity (pickiness), avoiding foods with discomforting textures or colors, food hoarding, or having a very heightened and distorted connection between what they eat and their self-worth (orthorexia).

Clearly, OCD or OCD-type eating problems can have very serious negative health consequences in addition to the psychological and behavioral ones, ranging from fatigue and poor concentration due to inadequate nutrition to severe physical and mental deterioration.  When OCD is present in advanced eating disorders, it can exacerbate life-threatening symptoms.

As OCD-related eating problems often can be chronic and progressive, getting help sooner rather than later is key.  Putting together a knowledgeable and experienced treatment team that can comprehensively address the person’s psychological as well as medical problems is also very important.

In addition to medication and nutritional guidance, there are many specific psychological therapies for OCD and eating problems that are available.  These treatments can be office-based or, if necessary, provided with closer supervision in a hospital or residential setting.  A cornerstone of evidence-based methods that may be applied to OCD and eating is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).  CBT involves re-structuring erroneous ideas and facing irrational fears about food and weight and is often used in conjunction with techniques that emphasize increasing readiness for change and motivation, mindful eating, and learning more effective stress management skills.

Addressing OCD inter-mingled with eating issues isn’t easy- for the sufferer or their significant others.  In fact, many who have this problem can be initially very resistant.  Therefore, having patience and a realistic understanding of the difficult path toward making a sustained level of improvement is essential for all concerned.  Although as with all problems related to OCD, anyone looking for quick fixes is likely to be disappointed, there is every reason to be hopeful that getting the appropriate treatment in a timely way will lead to improvements in the long run.

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., ABPP