We all know that it is impossible to be perfect but, nevertheless, our culture, and sometimes our biological nature, conspire to make us forget this truth. Cases in point: the straight “A” student who is a head cheerleader and prom queen, the career woman who juggles her children’s soccer practice, million-dollar business deals, and gourmet meals only found on the Food Network all on your average Tuesday, and the workaholic, “Type A,” executive who thinks vacations are a sign of weakness. Perfection is often confused with excellence. When the attainment of perfection in all domains of life is striven for as if it were the Holy Grail, perfectionism becomes an albatross, rather than a motivator or path toward a better, more balanced life.

According to researchers, perfectionism refers to a cluster of thoughts, behaviors, and feelings centered on attaining flawlessness and excellence, and in achieving high standards no matter what the cost. These characteristics may seem at first glance as desirable and helpful for school and work pursuits, and oftentimes reinforced by our society. When this way of being is put into action, however, the results can become quite dysfunctional. Those who are perfectionists set unreasonable standards for themselves and/or others, are chronically dissatisfied even when they slightly miss their excessive expectations, and often define their self-worth by their achievement of their high standards. Consequently, they are often riddled with self-doubt and are never satisfied in a lasting manner. A perfectionist can fall into a slippery slope where their belief system eventually interferes with their work and their relationships. For example, a person with perfectionistic traits often misses deadlines due to their high work standards and may often experience writer’s block. These individuals also erode their relationships with family and friends as they begin to impose similar unrealistic standards onto these important people in their life. People with perfectionistic behaviors often tend to continue to engage in the same self-defeating actions despite negative effects due to a strong fear of failure. They avoid the uncomfortable feeling associated with even the anticipation of failure by continuing to pursue their strong standards, which only provides, at best, fleeting relief. When perfectionistic behaviors are very severe, these individuals may be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

Perfectionists appear in variety of forms: the performance perfectionist that must be the best on whatever task they attempt, the appearance perfectionist that is terrified that anyone might perceive that they have a flaw in the way they look or act, the moral perfectionist that holds themselves to such a high ethical standard that they experience even the slightest lapse as a major sin, and the interpersonal perfectionist that holds others to impossible standards of conduct and is relentless in their criticism of the people they encounter. It is very possible to be a perfectionist in one area of one’s life while not perfectionistic at all in other areas (e.g., having to dress perfectly but not being interested in being honest).

Perfectionists are notoriously difficult to engage in treatment. Needing the help of a professional, in a sense, is their worst nightmare. If seen at all, the usual motivating situation is that they are under threat of a negative consequence like losing a spouse or a job, or they have become intolerably anxious or depressed. Perfectionists often need some external pressure to remain in treatment long enough to make significant gains. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one treatment for perfectionism that can yield good results over time. Rigid thinking and behaving common among perfectionists is targeted in CBT treatment in order to increase the perfectionistic person’s flexibility. For example, perfectionists often resort to “all-or-nothing” thinking. These individuals perceive experiences or situations as either good or bad such as their paper is either “perfect” or “not perfect”. These individuals rarely see the gray area. In CBT, perfectionists are taught to revise these “all-or-nothing” ratings with more flexible and reasonable perceptions. Another CBT approach would be for a perfectionist to face their fear of failure and adopt a more flexible thinking style to respond to the experience. Because perfectionism is self-perpetuating, early intervention is highly desirable.

Tip: To limit perfectionism, try setting reasonable time limits for each of your tasks. When the time is over, move on to your next task. This technique will help you overcome the never-ending revisions for the “perfect” product. In fact, try being a little bit imperfect on a non-life threatening task, and wait and see if there are really the dire consequences you fear.