By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., ABPP (CBP)

We’ve all heard the expression, “I need a mental health day (MHD).”  It’s a reason to justify taking some time off from work if you’re feeing exhausted, stressed out in general, or you are at the end of your tether due to some interpersonal frictions.  If you need a MHD and you are an employer or high level executive, you can simply tell your staff, “I’m not coming in today”.  As an employee, you need to come up with some acceptable reason such as taking some unused sick or vacation time, being under the weather, having a family problem that requires your attention, or the always handy dentist or doctor’s appointment (even in our era of attempting to de-stigmatize psychological problems, most probably still wouldn’t use, “I have to see my therapist.”).   MHD is pretty much the same as saying, “Stop the world, I want to get off.”  Of course, almost everyone will feel this way at times.

However, is a MHD good for your mental health?  On the positive side, taking a MHD seems better than risking a breakdown or acting-out in some inappropriate or self-defeating manner, e.g. telling the boss, or one of your co-workers, what you really think of them.  A MHD can also restore a sense of control over your own life.  Further, it might help you catch up on chores or social obligations that have been put off due to your work schedule.  Taking an MHD can be a temporary, private way of blowing off some steam.  Additionally, perhaps, it can also be a stopgap to exhaustion, depression, or anxiety by providing much needed rest, especially if you spend your MHD sleeping in or just being a couch potato and watching hours of mindless TV.  After an MHD, it’s conceivable that you could return to work with a sense of renewed energy or motivation, maybe even with a creative idea or two.

So, what’s the downside of taking a MHD?  Here’s the problem- no matter how much you justify or rationalize (e.g. “I deserve a day off,” “It’s like a gift to myself,” or “One day won’t matter.”), a MHD is still an avoidance behavior.  While avoidance behaviors are appealing because they provide immediate gratification and tension reduction (think having excessive alcoholic beverages, over-eating, or going on a shopping spree as well as procrastinating), the relief is very likely to be fleeting and inversely related to learning positive coping skills.  How soon after taking an MHD will you need another one?  The answer to this question will often be, “very soon,” if your reasons for requiring an MHD remain unresolved.  Unfortunately, avoidance behaviors are quite reinforcing and therefore tend to become self-perpetuating.  In fact, they can rapidly become habitual, particularly if you happen to be in workplace culture where those around you tend to avoid rather than face their issues.  Often, poor coping skills can be contagious and detrimental to the bottom line in any enterprise.  This cannot help anyone’s job security- especially in this era of downsizing and cost cutting.

The urge to avoid stressful circumstances is natural and functionally related to escape responses needed for those literally dangerous situations that require unreflective action, like getting out of the way of a vehicle headed straight for you.  Similarly, you also need your inherent avoidance/escape system if your work or life situation is truly putting your mental or physical health at direct risk, or you are being exploited or abused.

There is a major flaw in developing a habit of avoiding stimuli that are not preferable, uncomfortable, or relatively minor, as opposed to actually dangerous.  When this occurs, it’s as if you are teaching yourself to respond to a danger “false alarm”.   Eventually, as this tendency generalizes, you may have a hard time distinguishing a real danger from a symbolic danger, or no real danger at all.  Moreover, by responding to false alarms with real-life avoidance behaviors, you are likely inadvertently making yourself more sensitive to stress in the same way that if you eschew places with large crowds you may eventually find yourself defining even a small group of people (or ultimately, like a hermit, just one other person) as an uncomfortable “crowd.”

Consider then, if you will, re-conceptualizing the Mental Health Day.  Instead of avoiding work or a burdensome responsibility, it may be more fruitful to gear up to engage approach and mastery behaviors instead.  You can start by analyzing the stressful problem.  Is it the amount or type of activity?  Do you lack a necessary skill or set of skills?   Perhaps it’s more a matter of perception, meaning your thoughts and attitudes in relation to the activity are erroneous.  Another factor to consider is whether you feel sufficiently supported or appreciated in your workplace.  In some cases, it may be more than one these reasons, or maybe you’ll conclude it’s all of them put together like a bad dream in which all your worst fears are manifested.

Once you have established the issue, or issues, you are ready to come up with an approach.  Isn’t it fitting that the word, “approach,” is an antonym of avoidance?  For example, if it’s basically the amount or type of work that is the problem, or if you feel unappreciated or being left hanging out to dry on your own, you can strategize how to constructively and assertively talk about this to your supervisor or employer.  If you are the boss, maybe you have to re-evaluate your time management skills, learn how to delegate, do some hiring, admit that you can’t do everything, or maybe are just spread too thin.  If you are in over your head in reference to your skills, be honest with yourself and take steps to rectify this deficit.  Learning how to positively reframe situations and modify your attitude as well as negative self-talk is what’s called for if, when all is said and done, it’s you that’s stressing you out by the way you are processing your life experiences.  Developing these kinds of understandings and strategies doesn’t happen overnight but are certainly doable with consistent effort and practice.  Certainly, the sooner you start the better.

Next, it’s time to fight the temptation of avoidance and put your approach skills into effect.  If your current situation has exceeded your present individual resources, or if it’s a complex case of “all of the above” overwhelming you, you can opt to seek help, e.g. a therapist or career counselor.  A well-trained, experienced therapist can work with you on enhancing self-awareness, developing new coping skills or bolstering already existing ones, learning how to modify self-defeating thought patterns or maladaptive behaviors, and improve assertiveness and other communication skills.   Whether you are endeavoring to improve your present work situation or are considering a major life change like finding a new job, it’s often beneficial to have an objective professional’s input.  Friends can help too with the caveat that they may tend to be supportive at the cost of not helping you see the other side or fearing that they will damage the relationship if they disagree too vociferously with your perspective.

Are you ready to re-define the Mental Health Day?  This means that in the future, when you need an MHD, instead of taking the day off you can choose to think something like, “I guess this means it’s in my interest to keep showing up at work and figure out either how to improve my coping skills or take constructive actions toward finding a better situation.”  Then you can face the day and get to work.  Although at first this will be the more difficult decision, the good news is that by approaching the problem rather than taking an MHD, you will be more likely to come to some kind of resolution.   This will help you develop the more advantageous habit of working through your life issues as opposed to what amounts to “hiding your head in the sand.”  Eventually, a Mental Health Day can cease being a self-defeating day off of work, but rather a Day to Practice Mental Health in the workplace.

Taking Out the Garbage

By Jonathan Hoffman, Ph.D., APBB (CBP)

A young man is confronted by his father about not doing his work in World History, one of his subjects in High School.  He explains; the course “isn’t interesting to me- it’s boring.”  “I’ll never need to use any of that junk in my life,” he adds.  His father retorts, “I take out the garbage, that’s not interesting to me.”  What wisdom is the parent attempting to bestow on his son?

From the father’s point of view, aside from realizing piled up garbage is unsanitary and smelly, his son’s old enough to understand that, in life, there will be many things that he is not interested in doing but nevertheless should do anyway.  “This is called a responsibility,” says Dad.  The parent could probably mention a litany of examples of what he has done for his son over the years that he wasn’t interested in doing- like sitting through the second Transformers movie.  However, this might sound like just another lecture, in one ear and out the other.  Also, let’s bear in mind that social understanding is one of the last neurological capacities that develops, often in the latter part of High School, or even well after.

Consequently, and lacking real insight into what the father is trying to convey, the son will no doubt have his own perspective.  If he takes a moment to think about it, he may actually be perplexed why his father does take out the garbage or any of the many thankless tasks that are the opposite of interesting.  Through his eyes, at his age, the adult world is incredibly boring.  Adults rarely play video games, or hang out with their friends, and they complain a lot about how much they have to do.  They just want to pass on their frustrations to their children by making them sit in the same old tedious classes and do the same meaningless chores they had to do when they were kids.  Why should he want any part of it?  The son says, “I’m only going to do interesting things in my life, I don’t want to be like you, trust me.” Besides, the son says, “you hardly ever take out the garbage, usually Mom does.”  He might also go on to say, “Do you ever use World History in your life, Dad?”

Upon reflection, father will get son’s point.  He does do a lot of boring, repetitive things.   He is often stressed out from trying to keep up with mundane tasks of life, like paying the bills. Why does he want so badly for his son to do schoolwork he does not enjoy and finds purposeless?  For that matter, why shouldn’t his son only do what interests him in his life?  Isn’t that part of the American Dream?  Why does his son, or anyone’s son, or daughter, really need to take out the garbage?  It’s just as important for the father as his son to be clear about the answers to these questions, maybe more, because if the parent lacks clarity and the ability to communicate effectively about this issue, what chance has the son?

Of course, “taking out the garbage,” used in this context, is metaphorical.  Also, it’s a given that some children are growing up in homes where there are cleaning people, and those in the family do limited household chores. 

Here are some thoughts, for parents and young people, about why comprehending the concept of “taking out the garbage” is essential.

• Imagine a home where, literally, nobody ever takes out the garbage.  The result is obvious.  Similarly clear are the consequences of not taking care of the figurative garbage in our lives.  The unmet responsibilities would pile up, eventually becoming overwhelming and unmanageable.  For instance, every so often we read about someone, even a celebrity, who has not paid their taxes and is facing dire personal and legal problems.  Failing to pay your taxes accurately and on time is an example of how not understanding “taking out the garbage” in the abstract can backfire in real life.

• It’s possible to confuse garbage for treasure, and treasure for garbage, especially when you’re young.  Just as hoarders see value in possessions that others would characterize as junk, young people may perceive value in endless hours on a PS3, and fail to see merit in Math or Science, even World History.  Missing out on the “treasure” of a good education is something that many come to regret as they realize how limited their college and career options are, and how ill prepared they are for success in the adult world.  Also, you never know when something you learned in school will turn out to be relevant.  Knowing something about the French Revolution could come in handy on a sales call if your client turns out to be a history buff. But more importantly, even knowledge that has no apparent market value provides a context and foundation for everything else you learn as well as your capacity to think critically.  A case example is sports participation.  Playing sports when you are young teaches many positive attitudes and behaviors that are applicable throughout your life, even if you never play, let alone become a pro when you get older.

• Character development and positive values can come about as a result of an epiphany or one critical defining moment (e.g. surviving a major accident or illness, or getting in a lot of trouble), but more often, a solid character is the result of many small behaviors, like taking out the garbage or it’s equivalent, occurring over the course of a long period of time.  All the seemingly little responsibilities and sacrifices made during childhood and adolescence add up to enduring habits of “doing the right thing” and living a life filled with purpose, patience, conscientiousness, persistence, sense of priorities, and a positive value system.”

• We live in a world where emotional and social skills may predict success at least as much as sheer intelligence or technical abilities.  Therefore, being proficient in social networking, understanding teamwork, being able to work within the hierarchy of authority, and being group minded, whether at home or in school, are extremely important.  Taking out the garbage is part of team-building and prepares one for the inevitable times when you will be asked to see beyond your own needs and “take one for the team.”  Taking out the garbage, so to speak, teaches valuable lessons in humbleness and reduces self-centeredness and self-aggrandizement.  This will decrease the probability of becoming pseudo-adults, that is, aging chronologically but being fixated in an adolescent way of thinking and behaving.  Don’t worry about young people losing their equally valuable rugged individualism and pride in self; many of the so-called millennial generation have ego to spare and, if anything, will err in overvaluing their abilities and probabilities of success.

• It’s ironic, but taking out the garbage tends to increase self-worth.  People feel best when they are developing competencies and making contributions to their own life or to the lives of others.  In contrast, avoiding taking care of the boring, annoying, or inconvenient tasks of life provides only temporary relief and actually lowers self-respect in the long run.  When you spoil or enable young men or women, there can be lasting collateral damage to their self-confidence and hard to be replaced windows of opportunity to learn valuable life lessons.

In the high-tech world of information processing, there’s an adage- GIGO.  It means Garbage In, Garbage Out.  In the low-tech world of everyday life, our young man who does not see the worth of his World History class would do well to keep in mind the principal of GOFI, meaning Garbage Out, Functioning In.  Otherwise, he is likely to find his world becoming a pretty stinky place.